Spiritually enlightened at 29

If you get a chance to check out the Big Bambú art exhibit at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts, go do it! It’s awesome! Immersive art, plus bamboo! It took something like 15 rock climbers and three weeks to install this piece, made of over 3000 pieces of bamboo.

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Oh my my, but I’ve already done my time…

I asked you once if you ever thought of me, and you said no.

I wish I had that off switch too, the one that makes you forget, maybe it’d be easier to let go,

Of the people that don’t deserve to be in your life any longer.

But, I think that I just think too much.

But this time you delivered the punch.

While it sucks to say goodbye, it sucks even more to watch time fly.

I was a line in your story, you were a chapter in mine.

I’ve got a match, and this book that I’ve written.

No longer fun, no longer smitten.

I watched every word burn until the book was unrecognizable, much like you.

I picked up a new book of blank paper, and wrote you out of existence for the sake of my sanity.

I won’t lose myself again trying to save someone,

everything kind of feels chaotic,undone.

No fight left in me, I watched everything fade away into new possibilities. You’ve got to hit rock bottom before you surface gasping for air.

And for that, I thank you.

We all have a hunger

Sometimes I take myself out of the equation, just to see who really cares. Not once has this ever backfired on me. Fair weather friends are quick to appear and the hardest to find when you factor yourself out of their equation. I had a late night last night, but it was great reconnecting with a friendship that was on the back burner. Sometimes life gets in the way, and sometimes you just have to let go of the not so great people in your life.

if my wounds were visible, what a story they’d tell. A story, unfortunately that replayed over and over again in my life but I’ve let it go. Moving on is the hardest but most necessary part in healing and I’m ready. I’ve been more than ready

What a field day for the press…

And sometimes it seems as though that’s all a life or lives lost are worth these days.

Today, I went to my grandmas as I sometimes do on Sundays. I don’t tell her, so she can be pleasantly surprised. As I made the familiar drive down 45s, I passed as I always do, the exit to Santa Fe. Now before, it was just another exit on that semi long drive to Mamaw’s. Today, it meant a lot more to me. Once again, a child tragically takes the lives of innocent people and I can’t help but question my faith in humanity. I pulled off that exit today, I drove down into that town, so I could put a face on this terrible tragedy, a face that I could paint, and not see the killer on my tv screen. What I saw, was a small community, restaurants, churches, houses, just like anywhere else. But, this week someone made a decision to make it unlike anywhere else. Someone decided to take the lives of innocent people and I don’t understand that.

There are many ways we can try to put the blame on people, that we can try to grasp at the reasons behind what keeps happening, but there are no real reasons. I can tell you that I grew up with a grandpa that loved guns, that hunted, and that kept loaded guns in his room. But, I can also tell you that we were told specifically not to touch them or mess with them and we took that very seriously. I can tell you that I was bullied, I can tell you that I was a part of the #metoo movement, and that I am a licensed gun owner, but I can tell you exactly how many times I’ve ever pointed my gun at another human or even thought about hurting someone, and that would be never. You can tell me that someone was bullied, had easy access, terrible childhood, etc. but you can never in my eyes give me a good enough reason to take another persons life.

We don’t get to decide how someone’s life ends, we should not be able to do that. Everyone is quick to put the blame on everyone, but what if we reached out to each other instead? When I was in high school I wanted to be a journalist, I wanted to write for a newspaper, and report on news in my community. Now, I can’t watch the news or read the newspaper too much without stepping back and being ashamed. When I learned to write articles, I was told I was not to have an opinion, I was supposed to report what happened, the facts and elaborate on that. What happened? Why are we all against each other? Never in my life time have I seen people hate each other the way they do. Never in my lifetime would I ever think I would witness guns being brought to schools by students. By children. It’s not something we can fix by gun laws, it’s not something we can fix by blaming each other, it’s something we have to fix by coming together and teaching our kids, as well as each other that we are all valuable. The bullying has to stop, and when that’s all we see on our TV screens and in our music, how does that effect those watching? We become numb to feelings. We begin to think that the only way to help ourselves is to hurt others and that’s simply not true. Why are our kids not safe on school campuses? How can we let children come to school with guns and weapons, and why is it okay for them to think that that’s okay. What does violence solve? I could sit here and ask question after question, and still have no real answer and still be scared that another school shooting will pass my screen as I flip through channels. Why can’t we love each other? We sure seem to know how to hate each other.

Then we have the whole attack on thoughts and prayers. Well, what else can we do? We have to sit and pray because that’s how we talk to God, that’s how we ask for no more of this. I can’t bring these victims back, but I can think about them, and pray for the strength that their families will need to endure the hard times coming ahead. I don’t know what to say to fix the problem that we face, but nothing will fix it by fighting, nothing is going to fix it unless we look at it from the perspective of good hearts. Hearts that care about others, hearts that sit down and talk to our children about other ways to stop hurting, to talk to them about how lives are so precious. 10 people went to school or work that day, and never came back. How is that okay? Life is not a video game in which we shoot and kill people and they come back as soon as we turn the game back on. Music glorifies treating women like garbage and we wonder why so many people do that. Something has to give, and not just one thing, many things. So I’m going to continue to give my thoughts and prayers to the victims of this latest tragedy, I’m going to talk to the children in my life and let them know that violence is not okay, and I’m going to try my hardest to be someone with a good(ish) heart, that is there for people. This is not okay.

Sorry for those that I might offend as I try to make sense of this, I’m tired of hearing about all this hate. I’m tired of reading about a country divided, more importantly, I’m tired of all this unnecessary hurt. There had got to be another way.

Everything’s just cherries on top

So today, I’m reviewing these

Forbidden rice ramen with miso soup. I scooped these up at Whole Foods the other day because, as stated in a previous blog post, I am a newish lazyish vegan and I’m always looking for grab and go because, I just don’t put forth the effort as I should. I love ramen and the color of these intrigued me they cooked up pretty beautifully and the texture was super soft and the noodles are super flavorful. I was impressed! We are about to get a Whole Foods near my house, and I’m so excited! They’ve taken all of the decent grocery stores out of my hood, so I’m constantly having to grocery shop 30 mins away from home or so, so to have some decent vegan options 10 mins away will be awesome! Shoot I’m honestly even thinking about dropping an application there, but I’ve kind of grown accustomed to my entrepreneurial type life style 😂😂😂 it gives me the free time to spend with my family, my new niece and gives me the opportunity of traveling. But anyway, go try this ramen it’s delish! Or don’t…I’m not your mom!