Maybe I do have a voice?

I am a shy kid, the shyest of kids.  When I am at work, for what ever reason I am able to turn that shy button off, but as far as my personal life outside of work, outside of friends I have already made, I don’t speak much.  I can literally go days without talking to anyone, all of my years in college, didn’t speak to anyone, all of the days I go to the gym, don’t speak to anyone.  It’s a terrible, terrible trait that I have.

Today however, I went to go visit my Mamaw, well really I went there last night but I digress, on my way home today I stopped at the gym in League City because I haven’t really been this week.  I was doing my own thing in the sauna as I usually do, same thing upstairs where I hit some cardio, and then I was preparing to do the same thing in the sauna once more, when oh snap someone noticed me enough to strike up a conversation.

When I’m out in the world by myself, my crutch is and always will be a book.  Having a book in my hand makes being alone all the time manageable.  Someone asked me about my book in hand today which happens to be, “Navigating Route 20 Something: A Lifemap for the Road Ahead” By: Erin Keeley Marshall.  The young lady who happened to ask me about it, was very intrigued as she will be turning 20 soon, and thought that I was too, which is always a compliment.  I told her about the book and how I would be turning 30 in a little less than two weeks.  She asked me for three pieces of advice for someone going into her 20s from someone going into her 30s.  I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was more or less to this extint.

  1. Finish school, if that is what you are doing and that is what you want to do, finish it and let it be your first priority.
  2. Follow your dreams, know what you want to achieve and don’t settle for anything less.  Don’t let anyone or anything change your dreams, go after them, and achieve them.
  3. Never, ever, lose your faith.  Christ plays a huge part in your life, the biggest part and the sooner you know this, the easier life is to deal with.

Thinking back on this conversation I had with this young lady, and who I assume was her sister, I can’t believe how much wisdom I passed on.  Why couldn’t someone tell me this when I was 19 going on 20.  How much sorrow and strief that would have saved me.  However, Christ has a funny way of teaching you those lessons, hands on.  Would I be the same person I am today had I not fell flat down on my face first?  No, I don’t believe I would be.

I’ve always followed what everyone expects from me.  People want you to find love, so you settle for the first guy that comes your way and he bashes down every single thing about you, and every single dream you had until it takes you years and years to even begin to piece together who you are and what that dream you had was.  But, that’s my story, unique to me.  People wanted me to go to school, so I did but I didn’t.  I followed the motions but I really wasn’t there, until I was ready to have that piece of paper, until I was ready to work harder than I ever had to acheive something that I was told I couldn’t do.  But, I’m not done yet, far from it.

How much easier would it have been if I took my struggles to Jesus?  If I prayed about my situations instead of avoided Him for years.  I avoided him for YEARS.  I avoided Him through that whole terribly long for no reason relationship because that guy I happened to be dating wasn’t a believer.  How could I think I could have a lasting relationship with someone who didn’t love Christ first?  I was trying to please everyone else and not myself, and more importantly not Christ.  My life was a hot mess for a long time, and I’m still trying to put it back together.  I’ve had some great friends along the way guide me be it personally or spirtually, I’m not that same lost kid I was years before.

This young lady listened to the advice I had to share, and she really took it in, and later we exchanged numbers in case I’m ever in the area.  I hope that everyone in their young adult lives realizes that there is so much to live for, so many reasons to be happy, so many things to do and see.  I told her, put your best interests at heart, without being selfish.  Don’t spend your 20s lost, spend your 20s headed on Christs path for you.  This is my path, I chose the rocky terrain, but its made me who I am today.  I spent alot of my twenties unhappy, but I vow to spend my 30s happy!  There is so much to be happy for, to be thankful for!  Family, friends, a degree, another one to go out and earn, any day now I’ll be finishing a spiritual journal I’ve been working on for three years!  I never stick to anything and I’m literally two days from completing it front and back.  Life is amazing, if you open your eyes to it.

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