Amber reads another book…

So I wrote this Sunday at work, but didn’t get a chance to post it until today…

I have been in a reading mood lately, I don’t seem to do much of anything but read.  This morning I had a few hours before work, I did two devotionals from,”Jesus Calling” two or three of my devotionals that are emailed to me, and I also finished up, “Legend of a Suicide Stories” by: David Vann.  I am frugal when it come to books, let me just say that my favcorite thing to do is hit up the clearance section of Half Price Books for little one dollar gems like that one.  I think people forget what happens to others after you make a decision like pulling the trigger on yourself.  I’ve been fortunate enough to not experience this in my lifetime.  I understand how lige can get you down to where you think that doing something like that is an answer, but it is not.  You can’t rewind a thing like that, there are no do overs and you always leave behind someone, not to mention more likely than not, a lot of someones.  I don’t think anyone fully understands the impact one life has on many people.  I know the personal heartbreak of losing loved ones to sickness, losing loved ones in general, and having a friend murdered in cold blood.  There is always someone left mourning.  This world will always have trouble, always have sorrow.  Look at the state that the world is in right now and tell me, where is the hope?  The hope lies in Jesus.  He tells us that there will alwaus be trouble in this failing world, but he will always, always get us through it.  Everything we go through is a lesson, and while I wish I hadn’t had to learn all the lessons I’ve learned, I’m happy…ish to have this wisdom that I believe came from the trials and tribulations.  I had a stumble, and I turned myself off for years.  I turned myself off emotionally, stopped trying, stopped learning, stopped growing as a person.  I just checked out and said forget it.  Im unteachable, unreachable, and all that jazz.  But then you realize that there are a lot of things out there you don’t know much about, and being a constant thinker, that does me no good.  Sitting and thinking about the same things all the time, is boring.  Thus, leading me to believe that we can never stop learing, I can never stop learing.  There are always new things to discover.  I hope I never stop learning, I hope I’m always on the path to becoming whoever it is I was made to be, and I pray for strength.  Not just for me, but for the people that have to deal with me as well.  I am a force to be reckoned with, as we all are, every day is a new day, a fresh start, we should always be looking for a brighter day, instead of a way out.


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