The great outdoors

I guess we are going camping tomorrow…how we are going to fit 7 people, 2 air mattresses, a tent, a ton of food and clothes, fishing poles all in one vehicle, will be nothing short of a miracle.  Fingers crossed for good weather!

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Why I left the church

So today, I went to Bible Study at the church that I have been frequenting on and off for the better part of a year or so.  The study focused on why people, millenials for the most part, are leaving the church.  There isn’t one specific reason as to why I left, or why others may have left, but discussing this in a group setting, really had me thinking, why did I leave?

I grew up in the Brethren Church, It’s what the Czechs brought over, Jan Hus was our founder, that’s all I got…Anyway, my great grandma was the one that took my sister and I to church.  For the most part, that was the only church we attended.  Then, I got to be older and started working on Sundays, and kind of stopped going, I really stopped going once she passed away, and I really never went back.

So why did I stop? Work, boyfriend, busy, life, excuse after excuse to tell you the truth.  I wasn’t getting anything out of it anymore, sad to admit it but I wasn’t.  It seems to me that I grew distant from my faith, distant from the church and it has taken me a decade or so to even begin to revisit when I lost that want to attend and be a part of an organized religion.  My dad was really sick during my high school years/college years, perhaps that played a large part too?  I’ll never forget the church of my childhood, the congregation that was made up of the older generation where a lot of those members felt like grandparents and extended family, but at some point that all changed, and it’s hard to pinpoint why exactly I left…or why anyone leaves.

I have a tendency to be very shy, like on the verge of socially awkward in public situations, and that keeps me from going out and exploring on my own, more than I would like to admit.  When I don’t find myself comfortable in a situation, or a place, I either never attend, or I remove myself completely from the equation.  Perhaps that is the real reason I left, I didn’t feel comfortable anymore.  But, I am trying to teach myself to step out of that comfort zone of isolation, and not be so scared or shy to where I can’t experience new things, new churches and instead of asking myself why I left the church, or feeling ashamed or embarrassed about leaving, actively seek out a new place of worship.  Time and time again, I have been telling myself that this is what I am missing, the missing link if you will.  Tonight I felt really comfortable, and even spoke up, which again kind of a big deal for me.  I am challenging myself to go this Sunday, Mamaw or no Mamaw.  She is an excellent crutch, but I have to find my own way, and the vibes of this place are good.  I am excited to see where this particular path takes me.

And I can’t quite see just where it was,just where it used to be

After waiting nearly 3 months and just accepting the fact that I would never be paid from my former employer, I finally received my last check and I may or may not have jumped for joy!  (May not). It’s been a heck of a ride since quitting but a few things I’ve realized

1) Retail is terrible, and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy…not that I have any of those.  I’d rather call them lurkers

2)Life is so much more pleasant when you aren’t wasting 40+ hours in a job you absolutely loathe, simply because you have health insurance and a steady income.

3)If you aren’t living a life that enables you to use your God given talents, are you really even living?  The answer of course, especially in my case, is no.

4)No matter how safe a job, or a friendship, or a relationship for that matter might make you feel, you weren’t meant to live a life of safety.  There is no sense in sticking with that meaningless job, or that meaningless relationship, especially when it becomes toxic.  True blessings come from living a life with Christ, and to live a life with Christ, sometimes you have to step out of that safety zone and embark upon that great unknown.

She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and embarks upon what could be her biggest adventure yet.

so happy together?

When the chains are finally broken, and your arms are unbound, you breathe in a sigh of relief and say to yourself, thank God that isn’t me anymore.

the air smells so much fresher these days, the trails leading to all sorts of different ways.  The obsession is done, you’re no longer the target, best regards to you and your next broken hearted.

My life is real great, feel I’m well on my way to my dream school coming true

Man it’s been a rough couple of weeks caught up in all the feels, but it’s the little things in life that really make you smile.  Today I went to babysit for the two boys I regularly watch, and their grandma told me that they were at target today, getting ready to walk out and the older boy (6) said, “wait, I have to buy a card”  his grandma replies “okay, but for who?” He stops at the birthday cards and says “Amber”  she says to him, “okay, is it ambers birthday”  and he replies, “no, I just need to write her a card”

How precious is that?  I think we sometimes forget how important we are to people, especially children.  These little guys are like sponges, they soak up everything and I mean everything I tell them, and teach them, and show them.  The little guy (2) has Judah and the lion’s “take it all back”  on replay, everyday he sings this song over and over again. Santa brought him a drumset and many a reindition of take it all back has occurred…his parents have thanked me for teaching him that song…whoops.  I just hope to continually be a positive influence on these guys, no matter what’s going on in the background.

p.s.  I’ve begun working on the older boys book featuring pictures of his toy plane I took while traveling.  I’m really psyched about  His adventure and I hope I create something he really likes!