I genuinely love a good compliment, but most days I feel invisible, I’m not going to lie.

today I was in the ocean in California and a young surfer dude stopped me and said, “excuse me mam, your hair is beautiful”

and im sure I blushed, and I’m sure he made my whole year.  Especially because my hair is genuinely my favorite feature of myself.

And that is all, because I really was impressed and he genuinely made my whole trip.  Not because I’m super shallow, but mostly because traveling alone, that tend to not feel noticed feeling is like 100x worse.

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I will take care of you but not if it’s bad for me

As I get ready to embark upon another month in California, I find myself ready to push that reset button again.  For the last month or so, I’ve been pretty regularly waking up at 4:30 in the am, getting an hour of journaling/reading in, hitting the gym, and writing every night.  So yet again I find myself attempting to create a routine, because when I have a routine I don’t suffer from insomnia which is pretty amazing!

The coolest thing about this years California trip, is that my nieces will be joining me!  I may have written about that, but we’re going to take them to Disneyland and it’ll be super fun.

I’m ready to hit that reset button, think I’ll kill most of my social media accounts and just relax unplugged, well of course I’ll be going for work, but the state in and of itself is pretty relaxing to me.  Last year I had a pretty hard fall on my longboard, so I’m still debating if I’ll bring it again.  I’m stoked to come in at night, because I’ll actually get to chill upon arrival, I’ll probably work first thing Monday but hey, that’s cool with me.  So, my goal is to 86 most social apps at least til the girls get there because I want them to remember this trip with all the pictures I take, because I tend to take a lot of pics.

I joined this really cool book club, so I’ve been making myself not read the book for next month until I’m on the beach or at least beach adjacent.  It’s a really cool group of interesting people.  Unfortunately I’m missing two movie events while I’m gone but hey its work.

Think I might possibly start looking for a job upon my arrival back to Htown.  It might be time.  Gah!

It’s not enough

Peace is something you find after many sleepless nights.

You find it, sitting next to an old friend with a bowl of pho at midnight.

You find it in learning someone new, conversations that ache for knowledge

of a life that was lived before you, maybe now a life that will be lived with you.

You find it watching remakes of your favorite movie growing up.

You find it, by trying to make peace with it daily.

You find peace in the every day, you find peace

in letting go.

Time to take a deep breath and focus on you

I just got back from Ohio, of all places!  I broke in the new car with a 16 state trip lol but it was great!  It all started with…some one posting on facebook that Rancid was playing a big fest, “Camp Anarchy” and the tickets were on groupon for ten bucks.  I was sold!  So, I went up there at a sort of diagonal line, across Texas, Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Maryland Pennsylvania, (took a wrong turn on the way to Washington DC and ended up in PA) Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana.  The concert was totally worth it, I actually ended up paying more for parking then I did for the ticket.  We stayed in an old log cabin from the 1800s in Arkansas, a wooden shoe factory, in Illinois, and then just boring hotels in Ohio, West Virginia and Alabama.  Found an amazingly beautiful place to hike some caves and waterfalls in Ohio.  It was a lot of fun.  I was sick the entire time, the perks of being a nanny I suppose.  I definitely caught whatever the boys had last week and am still fighting it but hey its all good.  I missed my niece so much, she was so happy to see me and I swear she’s grown so much in a week!  Being gone for a month to California is going to be so hard!  But, her as well as my goddaughter, best friend, sister, mom, mamaw will all meet me on my week off and we’re going to take the girls to Disneyland!  It’s a surprise for the 6 year old, I can’t wait to see her light up!

Today I watched my best friend graduate. I know how hard she worked to get here, I watched her go through all the hardships that came with becoming a single parent while going after this and I am in just awe and wonder. Here we are friend, we each were dealt a hand of cards that were stacked against us but we did it! You did it! She texted me on Friday “Hey are you working tomorrow, I’m scheduled to walk” I thought she meant work! “I don’t really want to, and you don’t have to come” I would have done literally anything and everything to be there to cry right along side you. Congratulations!

So I’ve been contemplating submitting poetry again, and I have to write 5 by tomorrow. I’ve got three decent ones, but I’m hoping some sort of muse just hits me out of nowhere.