Congratulations, go home now.

Nervous, anxious as all get out,

But I’m still out here making it happen for myself.

Because if I don’t, who will?


Independently happy

My pictures out here have had a green orb around them. Not saying I believe in that sort of thing necessarily but, it’s said to show healing. I feel like my body is healing, my spirit is healing. I feel like this trip has done a lot of good for me. I’m grateful to have a job I love, I’m grateful to have the opportunity to come out here and sit by the ocean and reflect on my life and the things that are going on in it. I’m grateful for life every piece of it. The ups, the downs, it all. I’m so blessed, and I forget that sometimes. I spent the morning snorkeling with the brightest orange fish I have ever seen. There’s a whole world under my feet, and I never even think twice about it, but it’s so pretty. God is so good. Even when it’s dark, even when things are uncertain He is always certain. There are periods of darkness where things don’t ever seem to be anything but black, and then I open my eyes and I remember how grateful I should be for this life and these opportunities.

When you left, you took my bestest friends away and in this mess I think I dug a thousand graves…I hope you’re happy anyway

I just get a funny feeling in the middle of the night.

Everything doesn’t quite feel alright.

I’m quite certain the feeling isn’t mutual

It’s just so weird to me that it ended up this way.

There aren’t words that I could say.

To make it okay, but I’ll still try anyway…

Take me back to the night we met

Just trying to make sense of it all,

And find peace with it.

Indifference is bliss,

But my mind wanders sometimes…

And wonders…

But it’s all good,

Because seeing is believing

And I’m not seeing it anymore

Or you.

Life is all about that balance,

And I’ll keep getting there slowly.

baby you’re a big blue whale

beauty lies in the beholder, and behold, the beauty that lies in nature. I’ve been thinking a lot about life and leaving, forgiveness and healing, and I think that in order to do all those things, I have to be more in tune with my feelings. Not just my feelings about people or situations, but also about my feelings about myself. I spent a long time disliking myself, for stupid reasons. I think it’s time I learn to like myself for all those stupid reasons and then some. I’m learning to still be kind even when faced with adversaries and also learning to stand up for myself when needed. I’m kind of over the whole letting people walk all over me. Someone once asked me why, and I don’t know why. I spent so much time trying to stick around, that when I finally decided to stand up for myself, and not be used as a doormat, the door slammed. Right in my face too, but that’s alright. Life is funny like that.