It’s a tug of war between what’s comfortable and what she really wants

Here I sit before you all in blog land, a changed woman.  And why is that you may ask?  Because, I have a desk type situation set up in my room and its pretty perfect, I’m not going to lie.  I’ve sat here putting pen to paper on all these thoughts that just roam around freely in my mind, and it feels great.  Who woulda thought that a simple desk, a simple office set up could get the creativity rolling.  This year has been odd, magical, it’s caused me to a grow as a person, and that wouldn’t be possible without the bad as well.  We’re always trying to play the bad things over and over again, but why?  Doing that just makes us stay stuck in the same situation as before.  Its okay to let go, if the end result is your wellbeing.  That’s the thing they don’t tell us, it’s okay to let go.

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If only you had known me before the accident

Even in the darkest days, there is still light to be seen.  Keep that in mind as you read some of this deeper, darker stuff that comes from within me.  I am working to become a better Amber, but first I have get that stuff out of me and off my chest.  I am currently working on a mixtape, I swear I haven’t done this since high school, and pretty much all the music I have on itunes is from high school.  Whoops!  It’s still fun though.  First song for the mixtape?  Brand New-Mixtape lol cheesy but a must and yes, that’s how I’m spending my Saturday night folks, have a great night all of you out there in blogger land!

A new day, A new journey, A new perspective

I’ve been having some bad self image days lately.  Usually I’m pretty carefree wild hair wild soul kind of perspective but when you slimmed down a few years ago just to gain everything lost back, it can kind of be disheartening.  But, that’s okay.  It’s a journey that I have decided to embark upon.  There will be days where everything is great, I go workout, I watch what I eat, I hit the right words and thoughts while journaling, and then there will be days where I don’t want to do those things, where I don’t even want to put pen to paper to capture my thoughts.  I went years without writing, years without leisure reading, just because I lost interest in my hobbies.  What a waste of time, but I am learning to be okay with time lost.

I think it takes some sort of stillness to really see what needs to be brought to the table, what needs to change for the life you want to live.  Your spirituality plays a huge factor into this equation.  If you aren’t living for a purpose, what are you living for?  Who are you living for?  Are you living for this material world, or the next?  That question kind of plays to those bad self image days.  See, I’ve been lost in this world of, this new gadget will solve all my problems if I just spend x amount of money.  Then you purchase said gadget and low and behold life is still the same before you had this “very important, life improving gadget”  I spent 100s/1000s of dollars putting holes in my ears, thinking that was improving my outward look for some reason, but why?  Those holes hurt, looked gross and sometimes smelled quite frankly.

I’m not sure where I am going with this, but to make a long rambling come to an end, today is a new day and I am choosing happiness.  I am choosing to be on a spiritual journey as well as a fitness journey and I know that they are never ending.  No shortcuts, just a tad bit of elbow grease and a lot of hard work on my end, and everything will work out according to His will.

  

Desperately seeking an adventure

 

I was catching up with my devotionals today, and one just really hit home.  It was about adventure, and how every day should be looked at like a new adventure.  I really started thinking, when I’m out on trips, my favorite thing is to hike, or climb high things.  When choosing a path, I always pick the hardest trek, because I want to get the most bang for my buck, I want to work hard so that the view is that much better to me.  If that’s the case in my spare time, why not apply this to life?  Instead of taking the hard way up the mountain, like I do on my own time, I’m taking the easy way out.  The get up at noon, throw some wrinkled uniform and sit and waste my mind on a job that I’m not entirely passionate about.  I know there’s something more to my life, I’m just not pursuing it because I’m a big fat scaredy cat.

So, my current job is not my career, I’m pretty sure I’ve discussed that here before and recently my Mamaw got it in my head that if I were to ever leave, we could do a roadtrip around America.  This has been really etched into my head as something I really would love to do because

1) mamaw is precious and  time with her would be just as precious and 2) roadtrip!  I love roadtrips and I want to see all of the states, but on my terms.

Now how do I hatch this out?  The problem lies in the fact that

a) I just bought a new car

b) my job

Now I’m fine not having money, not having insurance, not being home but realistically I have to make these payments on my car.  But, what if this adventure leads to my next step in life?  See, I’m thinking outside the box now.  If I could make my blog a profiting blog, that could be a start.  What if Mamaw and I hit the road, and I blogged from every state about what we did, along with some insight, inspirational thoughts and some feel good granddaughter-grandmother times?  What if I were able to get some sort of audience, and then later was able to turn this into my first novel?  The grinds and gears in my head are really turning.

Im single, no kids, no real responsibilities that I would be leaving behind, what better time than now to pursue this adventure?

If any of my fellow bloggers have any ideas or suggestions on how to make this happen, please, I’d take any and all advice.