Insert random song lyric here, I can’t think of one

What a crazy last couple of days.  I babysat for the two boys I have been watching for a few years now, and goodness gracious I’m a little on the exhausted side!  The boys are 6 and soon to be 3, and I had to get them through two days of their normal routine.  I’m not a parent yet, maybe one day, so I have to admit that there is a lot going on behind the scenes to get two youngsters ready and off to school.

I am an insomniac, not by any means a morning person, and I have been up at 5 am the last two days, but honestly just to hear the pitter patter of little feet in the morning, was just the sweetest little thing to wake up to.

Sending them off to school, I had some free time so I decided to source.  I went a little crazy, and spent over 2 hours in Goodwill, and leaving the store with a bag full of neat finds.  I’m still new to the ebay game, but I am hoping to at least double my money invested.  Today I stopped at another Goodwill as well as Value Village, and I think that I am done sourcing for awhile.  I can’t keep up when it comes to listing, and I don’t want to have a ton of inventory.  So, tomorrow I am off and I plan on getting some sort of organization to what I am doing here.   I’ve had a lot of good flips, and I am hoping for some more as well!  At this point, I have 31 listings posted, and 2 that are for sure selling, my goal is to have at least 50 tomorrow if not more.  Ebay allows me up to 100 listings at a time, so maybe that will be a goal in the near future.

I ran into my friend at the mall the other day that I hadn’t seen in almost a year, it has got me thinking, time is to short to be upset, to hold grudges, to not talk to someone that means a lot to you because life keeps moving.  That distance keeps growing until you don’t even know that person anymore.  I’m going to try to make more of an effort going forward.  I’m kind of tired of being mad at the world you know?  But, at the same time I think you kind of have to know when it’s not worth even trying to fix that distance, know what I mean?  I’m learning, however slowly that might be.

Tomorrow I start classes to join a new church, I am both excited and nervous about this because I’m shy, but I know it’ll be alright.  My parents and grandparents along with other family members were all married at this church so that is kind of cool.  Also Bible Study is tomorrow, so I think I will maybe go for a walk during the few hours in between the two.  I know there is a pretty decent coffee place nearby, a few places to source, but remember how I said I wasn’t going to source for awhile…I’m not going to source for awhile…I’M NOT.

To my favorite, lovely people, my readers that still care about what ever it is that I have on my mind, thank you.  I hope you all have a great week.  Get after what you want, and make it happen.

 

 

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I took the time to share some memories of my family with the only slightly annoying older lady that I work with.  I sometimes forget that even though she can really try and test me sometimes, she is still a person who deserves to be appreciated as everyone does.  I showed her pictures of my great grandparents, grandparents, mom and dad and I realized, they are my best memories.  I had my feelings hurt by some of my closest friends, around my Birthday, and communication has stopped, with that lack of communication comes a rebirth of Amber.  Lots of quiet time leads to me attempting to learn to play the drums, reading about a book a week and diving back into listening to music which is pretty exciting not going to lie.  I’ve gotten to take multiple trips to my grandfathers cabin, which is especially special to me as we lost him last year, and its the one place here on Earth where I can really feel his presence.

My best memories are of my family, why waste time fretting about friends that come and go out of our lives?

Word art and work thoughts…

But, what if this is really what it’s all about?  What if there are no real answers and no real questions?  What if we really are just supposed to trust in Jesus?  Of course we are, but what if we trusted in Him, and didn’t worry about trivial things.  He makes sure birds eat, are we not just as important as birds?  When your world crumbles, who do you seek first?  Most of us know, that it should be Him.  In fact, it just gets worse when we try to hide, or think that we can manage on our own.  Sometimes we have to throw our hands up and be okay with asking for help.  Sometimes we all need help, and that’s okay.  Hard to admit, but okay to need a little help, or even a lot of help.  Isolation is not good for us, even in the garden, God created a companion for Adam.  He knew all that time ago, that mankind was not meant to be alone.  But, we are never alone, even when we feel like it , as long as we open our heart to Him, he is always there, especially during the worst times.  What if we never understand how great His love is, it’s like nothing else in this world.  Without it, we would be hopeless.  Things of this world, are just that, things of THIS world.  I want to live my life not consumed by things of this world, because in the next world, where I plan to spend eternity, those things won’t matter at all.  They will be left behind in this world.  Our entire lives will be left behind for someone else to keep, to discard, to sort.  We can’t take them with us, which if you think about it, kind of makes you want to stop collecting all this clutter that will be left behind.  I own one Bible, really two but I use only one, for the most part daily, that I’ve had since I was 8 or so.  At the same time, I have too many pairs of shoes to count.  I feel like this should be some sort of metaphor about life.  Why do I have so many pairs of shoes?  Yes, I do have sentimental attachment to that particular Bible, but it feeds my soul daily, why not have several?  One day, my words may be the only part of me that remains a part of this world.  Did I use them wisely?  Did I use them to harm or to help others?  Did I use them at all, or did I just keep them to myself, bottled up so as not to be scared of what reaction might come from the words that I wrote.  Comfortable is not safe, being scared is safe.  Take the world by its ears, and don’t let go until it gives you exactly what you want, and if you don’t get it, that’s alright.  At least you tried.  No one has ever regretted trying, but lots of people have regretted not even having the guts to make a move, to take a risk, to take a chance.  Life is what you make it.  The darkness doesn’t last forever, you got to fight it, don’t let it consume you because given the chance it will.  No one knows what you are feeling inside, but you.  Your friends are your friends for a reason.  Tell them what’s going on, let them help you.  I guarantee you they care.  I guarantee you someone cares, even when your head tells you otherwise.  Don’t listen to your head, unless its telling you good things.  I promise you we all feel what you’re feeling.  You aren’t weird because you’re hurting.  Everyone hurts sometimes.  The hurt, is a part of life and I promise it gets better.  I was in an abusive relationship for several years.  Not only physically, but emotionally abusive as well.  What can I say from that experience?  It gets better!  Don’t ever listen to negativity from anyone.  You are not worthless, you are everything to someone, you are no ones punching bag, not even your own.  Love doesn’t hurt, and if you think it does, the hurt will never stop.  You deserve love, everyone does, even you Amber.  Don’t let yourself think otherwise.  A couple bad experiences shouldn’t shut you down forever to the idea of love.  The idea of love is a concept that you will spend years trying to define as well as trying to tell yourself that you don’t need it.  But, secretly wishing that you had it.  Everyone loves differently, and that’s okay.  Your not great with words when it comes to emotions.  Your friends hurt and you don’t know what to do, so you hurt right along side them when all you actually want to do is give them a giant hug and assure them that everything will be okay.  It will be okay.  Even the darkest night makes way for a morning full of light and new opportunities to change the previous days events.  You can’t save them all Amber.  Sometimes people have to learn how to live on their own.  What do you say when you are speechless?  Sometimes it doesn’t even matter anyway.  The wrong things keep happening to the wrong people, because they keep letting it happen.  Meaning, a negative mind and heart, lead to a negative life.  There is no easy way to be positive when all you think about are bad thoughts.  What can I say?  We all live different lives.  Some people are stronger than others, some people don’t know what to say and some people take the easy way out.  I don’t want to take the easy way out and I don’t want you to take the easy way out.  If your alone in this life, I get being scared, but you are not alone…so don’t be scared.  New adventures are around the corner, but you have to make it there first.  How are you to live an exciting new life in a new place if you can’t even live to see it?

Once again this post is something I did at work.  I kind of just turned the paper in squares, starting from the middle and just wrote whatever came to mind.  I’ve got a bunch on my mind as usual and I’m not sure how to say everything that I need to say or how to fix everything that I need to fix.  Tomorrow is another day though, and I’ll try again.  I’ll try every day to be a little bit better, and I hope you will too.