But my bones said, write the poem

The thing about being a writer, or an artist in general, is that you feel pain like all the time.  You don’t just feel it, your bones ache with all the pain and thoughts in your head that just try to break you if you don’t capture it all on paper and let it out.  I’m beginning to realize that the longer I sit on these words, the harder it is to express myself.  If I let the words  do what they need to do, they bleed out onto the paper, and my head is finally silent again.

So I’ll play the bad guy, but I refuse to play the victim anymore.  A victim to thoughts that need life to breathe.  They need a way out, onto a canvas of sorts so that I can let it go.  Let you go.  Whoever you are.  I’ve been in a constant break up for decades.  My heart longs for someone that doesn’t exist, never existed.  My favorite songs are sung about love lost when truthfully have I even ever experienced love?  Probably not, and if so just the selfish kind.  We are living in a world obsessed with social media where literally the push of a button deletes someone out of your life…but does it really?  You meet someone, you learn about them, you make your assumptions and if you aren’t in to it you just swipe left.  Press block, unfriend, unfollow, and as impersonal as it actually it is, that person no longer exists to you and honestly, that is pretty sad.

Sometimes, keeping up with everything and everyone, just gets to be too much.  I have to unplug or I can’t exist.  Life is hard enough without making everything a competition of who has what, who is hurting more, who’s house is in worse shape because of the flooding.  Silly things are competitions on these social platforms.  Politics are the reason for losing friends and family.  Everyone is so angry, and most people are not even sure why they are angry, why they are sad, why they are lacking.  We live in a world of instant gratification, and if we aren’t given that gratification, we don’t want it.  We don’t want to work hard for something anymore.  We don’t want to work on relationships or friendships because its too hard.  So we use people up until their existence no longer matters to us because they are no longer feeding into the lies, no longer giving us the attention we feel we deserve, no longer benefitting us.  You aren’t doing anything for me anymore? Bye…and then theres no turning back.

We keep thinking that things will be different, but refuse to change.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  So maybe it’s time to grow up.  Be a little wiser, let the words, feelings, thoughts and such not destroy me.  Sulking no longer looks good on anyone.  Head held high, I watched the door close behind you, watched the headlights disappear down the road, and went on about my life.  As if you never existed?  Nah, just another thought begging to be let out of my head and captured on paper.  Before you became another reason I don’t sleep at night.

I’m working on being a better version of myself for several reasons, the biggest being for myself.  I’ve hit the gym so hard the last two weeks that my body aches, and it’s a happy ache, because I know results will soon follow.  Eating a vegan diet 5 days a week or so, mixed feeling about that one.  It’s a slow wean off of meat, but lately my head has been killing me.  Not sure if that’s lack of vittles, or allergies but the headaches can disappear and I won’t miss them at all.  Eggs however, I miss eggs.  Went to one of my favorite breakfast places, and ordered breakfast without meat, and without eggs, and it was delish.  I weighed in Tuesday at the gym since my scale was a victim of the damage from the flood.  I’ll be interested to see what happens, if anything happens with my weight.  I can for sure, feel my body tightening up.  It’s like, “hey girl, chill I hurt”.  I picked up a couple of sewing projects from Hobby Lobby.  I have a couple of plans to get rid of a bunch of my tshirts without actually getting rid of them, so I figured a little practice project wouldn’t hurt, and if it turns out correctly, I hope to make the owner of my little project very happy.  Sock monkey projects for the win!  I feel like my post was a little deep so I had to end it with a happy sock monkey vibe.

 

Advertisements

wild winter, warm coffee, minds gone, do you love me?

I had one of my best thrift hauls yet to date today!  Finally after two months of searching for the elusive lululemon, I found that omega sign and scooped it up!  I found a pair of mens lululemon, and that one pair should pay for my entire haul.  I also found patagonia and tons of anthropologie/urban outfitters brands.  Gah liquid gold I tell you, can’t wait to get it up in the store.  Tomorrow I have jury duty, I’d normally ignore the letter but this one was scary and said that I missed the last one, and if I missed this one I would be fined.  Nobody has time for that, so I plan on taking the light rail downtown tomorrow at the crack of dawn.  Yay for being an adult, kind of.  I really hope I don’t get picked tomorrow, and I plan on bringing tons of reading material.  I went to go get Chinese food for lunch today and the cookies fortune said something about working on my work out routine needless to say, I worked out hardcore tonight.  I am drenched in sweat, as if I just came out of the shower drenched, did 15 minutes of the stair stepper, 20 mins of the elliptical, and 25 on the bike.  We also did thighs, and abs, and arms, boom!  My cat just bullied me out of my yogurt, she is literally putting her paw in the container and licking said paw…what a weird girl she is.

You smashed a glass into pieces, and that’s around the time I left

We’re all just a little too sad for no real reason.  It’s easy to forget that we have so much going for us, today I’m choosing to remember that.  God is great, the opportunities He gives us are great, and the doors He helps us close are even better, even when we don’t want to close those doors.  Having a good week on Ebay, today I plan on listing, listing, listing!  I’ve got a huge death pile of potential money making items just sitting in the solarium.  I need some coffee, or some kind of motivation to get through it.  I like when the community talks about listing everything because we are in the business of making money, not the storage business, and it makes sense.  Right now, I have two totes listed, and one to go through and list still.  The potential is there, I just need to kick the laziness to the curb.  I’ll call this my first break of the day, time to get back to it.  Business is booming, as long as I put in the work.

He is Risen!!!

Today, was a great day!  I went to pick up my Goddaughter and took her to church this morning, she was so excited to go.  We had breakfast at the church and waited for the Easter egg hunt to start.  There were too many eggs for the kids, who would have thought?  All the kids had small baskets and they were filled to the brim and then some.  Afterwards, when church began, she really seemed to enjoy the music, she was tapping her feet and clapping her hands, it was cute!  There was a plain wooden cross at the beginning, and during the service, everyone came and put flowers on it, it was so beautiful and she stayed up there pretty much the whole time, helping to flower the cross it was very very pretty.  Seeing Easter in the eyes of a child, made the day even more special than it already was.  After church, we had lunch at my house, and hid the same 10 Easter eggs, at least 8 times.  “Inside Tia Amber, this time outside”, and so on and so forth.  I think it’s so very important for children to be excited about God, to have traditions, and to have a family bond.  Even if that family isn’t blood related, that bond is still there.  It was a beautiful day, up from the grave he arose! IMG_3906.JPGIMG_3923.JPG

Ebay, Easter, and Eternity.

I opened up a store on ebay finally, siftingsisters.  I have about 60 listings listed, hopefully nothing will be a problem while I am at Disney in two weeks but we shall see.  Exciting!  Moving forward into the land of unknown, and I can dig it.  I went sourcing today, and only bought three items.  I have a lot to list! I had my first return today, and though I do not offer returns, the lady was so nice with her email, I decided to make an exception plus, I think I could sell it for a bit more than what she paid when I relist it. Today I went and got my haircut finally, seems like it has been growing super fast since having left retail, but what do I know.  Today I was able to do 14 crunches in the air…so cool!  When I first started, I could hardly hold myself up!

I didn’t realize I am “working” Wednesday, so it seems I will have to miss my new member class, but I’m going to try and reschedule or something.  I am so looking forward to Easter Sunday, because I am going to be taking my Goddaughter (unofficially) to church Sunday!  I am going to buy her a new dress and hat and all that jazz because my Mom used to do that for me when I was little, and I think she will really enjoy that.  The last year or so has been really hard on her and her mom and it is just going to be a really special day.

I need to work on sleeping better, it seems as though my insomnia has come back.  Tomorrow I plan on getting started on making Minnie Mouse ears for my sister, if they turn out well, I will post on here.  Going to try to dabble a bit in new things since I have a bit more free time on my hands.  Have a great week dear readers!  Don’t forget the significance of this week, and if you would like KSBJ, the christian radio station here in Houston, is offering up real time texts during Holy Week.  If you want in on this, just text EASTER17 to 51555.  This is the third year I’ve done this, and it’s really neat, and really makes you feel a bit of the giant impact this week has on us as Christians.  Last year, it inspired me to write a poem.  A terrible thing happened, so that we would know we are so loved and so forgiven.  He is risen!

Insert random song lyric here, I can’t think of one

What a crazy last couple of days.  I babysat for the two boys I have been watching for a few years now, and goodness gracious I’m a little on the exhausted side!  The boys are 6 and soon to be 3, and I had to get them through two days of their normal routine.  I’m not a parent yet, maybe one day, so I have to admit that there is a lot going on behind the scenes to get two youngsters ready and off to school.

I am an insomniac, not by any means a morning person, and I have been up at 5 am the last two days, but honestly just to hear the pitter patter of little feet in the morning, was just the sweetest little thing to wake up to.

Sending them off to school, I had some free time so I decided to source.  I went a little crazy, and spent over 2 hours in Goodwill, and leaving the store with a bag full of neat finds.  I’m still new to the ebay game, but I am hoping to at least double my money invested.  Today I stopped at another Goodwill as well as Value Village, and I think that I am done sourcing for awhile.  I can’t keep up when it comes to listing, and I don’t want to have a ton of inventory.  So, tomorrow I am off and I plan on getting some sort of organization to what I am doing here.   I’ve had a lot of good flips, and I am hoping for some more as well!  At this point, I have 31 listings posted, and 2 that are for sure selling, my goal is to have at least 50 tomorrow if not more.  Ebay allows me up to 100 listings at a time, so maybe that will be a goal in the near future.

I ran into my friend at the mall the other day that I hadn’t seen in almost a year, it has got me thinking, time is to short to be upset, to hold grudges, to not talk to someone that means a lot to you because life keeps moving.  That distance keeps growing until you don’t even know that person anymore.  I’m going to try to make more of an effort going forward.  I’m kind of tired of being mad at the world you know?  But, at the same time I think you kind of have to know when it’s not worth even trying to fix that distance, know what I mean?  I’m learning, however slowly that might be.

Tomorrow I start classes to join a new church, I am both excited and nervous about this because I’m shy, but I know it’ll be alright.  My parents and grandparents along with other family members were all married at this church so that is kind of cool.  Also Bible Study is tomorrow, so I think I will maybe go for a walk during the few hours in between the two.  I know there is a pretty decent coffee place nearby, a few places to source, but remember how I said I wasn’t going to source for awhile…I’m not going to source for awhile…I’M NOT.

To my favorite, lovely people, my readers that still care about what ever it is that I have on my mind, thank you.  I hope you all have a great week.  Get after what you want, and make it happen.

 

 

Should my legs feel like jello, and other musings on leg day.

We are less than a month away from Disney, and we have been hitting the gym pretty hard these last few weeks.  Today though, was worse than usual because, we are finally doing the right sort of things.  Yesterday, this lady helped us figure out how to do the (stay with me here as I try to explain this instrument of torture) thing where you pull up your whole body with your arms…or as I like to call it the swing, swing, swing machine…All American Rejects reference there lol.  Anyway, we have been doing that properly now, and it works out your core, and I am currently dead, exhausted, sore etc.

Last week, we went up to the ranch and did a ton of work.  We burned for three days straight, and still have tons more to go.  On the way home, we stopped in Austin and did some sourcing, and again in Caldwell to visit with my aunt and uncle on their farm, and checked out the land we have up there to see if there are any cattle on it.  It was neat to see, as I haven’t seen it since I was a child.  Its been years since I’ve been to my aunt and uncles farm as well, and it was pretty peaceful.  Breeze and weather was amazing, even did a couple crazy jumps/climbs along the creek on the mule…yikes!  Pretty sure I’d flip the thing but nope!

Embarking upon my second full month of ebaying, and I’m still learning a lot, and still probably making mistakes, but if it keeps me from having to take a normal job, I’ll keep stumbling through the process of learning to run a successful business on the inter webs.  I only sold two things last week, and currently have 14 listings with no hits…it is what it is.  In the mean time, I’ll continue studying up on brands and markups and all of that good stuff.  The hunt is the funniest part, to tell you the truth.  Speaking of hunt, tomorrow is Rodeo DAY!!!  Still trying to find the perfect tickets but, I am psyched to see Blink-182 at the Rodeo…isn’t that some sort of oxymoron? LOL!

We just had my great grandmas chair that has been in my room reupholstered, and boy is it beautiful.

IMG_8631