But, at least we saved each other from ourselves,Before we destroyed each other.I still maintain, that we didn’t know better.We were just kids, trying to grasp on to love somehow, even when we couldn’t love ourselves.Even when we still can’t love ourselves.
So todays daily prompt is expectation, and today just happens to be Valentines Day. Coincidence? I think not. What love actually is, and what people’s expectations of love are, are two different things in my opinion. So, you have this day where we are supposed to shower our loved ones with big giant gifts so we can show how much we care and love them, but yet does that really show anything besides how fat our wallets are? I was telling my sister just awhile ago that when I was with my ex, he would buy me like all this jewelry for Valentines Day, yet he still continued to be physically and emotionally abusive every other day…so what was the point? Expectation verses actuality. The way we love someone, isn’t shown by buying their love, or overindulging them in food and sweets, it’s actually loving them with your heart. It is the behind the scenes that most people don’t see, or don’t care to see. It’s my mom putting my blind dads pills out every week in a way in which he knows where they are, and which ones to take in the am and pm. Love is my blind dad washing the dishes and making the bed while my mom is at work. Love is something that television and social media tries to make into a competition, when in actuality, love is not something to compete for, it is something to strive for, it is something that takes a lot of work to grow, and keep alive. There are all kinds of ways that love is lost, all kinds of ways that love is not real, all kind of ways to lose love, but the people that really work hard at it, that never give up no matter how hard things get, those are the people that really get to enjoy love, even if they miss the little hints and signs of it daily. These people that have this “love is going to save me” expectation, are sadly mistaken. No one can save anyone, no one needs to be saved by anyone except by themselves. When you put that weight on someones shoulders, or that expectation, if you will, you automatically set them up for failure. Love is a two way street, two people have to work at it together to achieve something golden, something real, a glimpse of Heaven on Earth. God sacrificed His son, so that we could all know what true love is, to love someone so much, to sacrifice someone so important to Him, so that the world would know how much He truly loved all of us. He still loves all of us, and his idea and example of love, should be our actual expectation of what true love actually is.
Today is my last day in New Orleans as we are heading back pretty early tomorrow since I have to work Wednesday. I had a great time spending time with my family. We don’t always get to do things like this. We woke up today had breakfast and went to the French quarters. After three times being in this city, I finally got to have beignets at cafe du monde. I recommend the frozen coffee, it was fantastic. My sister, mom, Mamaw and I all shopped all day and like I said before, it was great spending time with them.
I went into peaches records and I can’t believe what their mark up on vinyl is. A vinyl I bought in New York for about 32 dollars was 89 here. I was really looking forward to going there and looking for records but their price tags were just too steep for my taste. But, they played one of my favorite songs of all time while I was in there, “Valerie” by Amy winehouse and I thought that was pretty awesome.
I’m pretty pooped, as much fun as this vacation was, it was short and fast paced and I’m ready to get back to the routine. I broke even I would say, down in the casino. I took my dad to play the tables and he really enjoyed them. We had nice dealers who told him how to play the games, (my dad is blind) and really worked with him and he had a lot of fun, I did too.
We have this amazing bathtub in the hotel room and I had a nice warm bubble bath while reading my book. It was nice, carefree and just what I needed to wind down.
I still have my devotionals to get after here in a bit but everything is pretty much on track, minus my gallon of water a day. It’s kind of hard to do that here as there aren’t clean bathrooms just everywhere.
Next week is nutcracker market! A family tradition every year of shopping and shopping and more shopping! It’s actually really extraordinary. All kinds of little shops and things to buy we truly enjoy it. I’m ready to get back home and get to work on my house. I’m kind of sad that I didn’t find any decor here but dad got an idea of how he wants to build my shower so that’s good!
The thing about life, is its not just mine. It’s my families too. I think about all the decisions I’ve made over the years and how those decisions effected them and, I’m really glad I’m on a better path now. Not that I was ever on a horrible path but a not so great one none the less.
Being alone isn’t the worse thing that can happen to you. Being alone gives you time to center yourself, be one with your creator and find out what makes you happy. How are you going to love someone if you can’t first love yourself? I think about this all the time. It’s easy for someone to fall in love with you, but hard for you to fall in love with yourself. Why is that? We should be our own biggest fan. The only person that I am certain to grow old with is myself and how am I going to do that if we don’t get along? Something I’m still working on, but will master the art of someday. Goodnight from New Orleans!