We found each other in the dark

But, at least we saved each other from ourselves,Before we destroyed each other.I still maintain, that we didn’t know better.We were just kids, trying to grasp on to love somehow, even when we couldn’t love ourselves.Even when we still can’t love ourselves.

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Insert random song lyric here, I can’t think of one

What a crazy last couple of days.  I babysat for the two boys I have been watching for a few years now, and goodness gracious I’m a little on the exhausted side!  The boys are 6 and soon to be 3, and I had to get them through two days of their normal routine.  I’m not a parent yet, maybe one day, so I have to admit that there is a lot going on behind the scenes to get two youngsters ready and off to school.

I am an insomniac, not by any means a morning person, and I have been up at 5 am the last two days, but honestly just to hear the pitter patter of little feet in the morning, was just the sweetest little thing to wake up to.

Sending them off to school, I had some free time so I decided to source.  I went a little crazy, and spent over 2 hours in Goodwill, and leaving the store with a bag full of neat finds.  I’m still new to the ebay game, but I am hoping to at least double my money invested.  Today I stopped at another Goodwill as well as Value Village, and I think that I am done sourcing for awhile.  I can’t keep up when it comes to listing, and I don’t want to have a ton of inventory.  So, tomorrow I am off and I plan on getting some sort of organization to what I am doing here.   I’ve had a lot of good flips, and I am hoping for some more as well!  At this point, I have 31 listings posted, and 2 that are for sure selling, my goal is to have at least 50 tomorrow if not more.  Ebay allows me up to 100 listings at a time, so maybe that will be a goal in the near future.

I ran into my friend at the mall the other day that I hadn’t seen in almost a year, it has got me thinking, time is to short to be upset, to hold grudges, to not talk to someone that means a lot to you because life keeps moving.  That distance keeps growing until you don’t even know that person anymore.  I’m going to try to make more of an effort going forward.  I’m kind of tired of being mad at the world you know?  But, at the same time I think you kind of have to know when it’s not worth even trying to fix that distance, know what I mean?  I’m learning, however slowly that might be.

Tomorrow I start classes to join a new church, I am both excited and nervous about this because I’m shy, but I know it’ll be alright.  My parents and grandparents along with other family members were all married at this church so that is kind of cool.  Also Bible Study is tomorrow, so I think I will maybe go for a walk during the few hours in between the two.  I know there is a pretty decent coffee place nearby, a few places to source, but remember how I said I wasn’t going to source for awhile…I’m not going to source for awhile…I’M NOT.

To my favorite, lovely people, my readers that still care about what ever it is that I have on my mind, thank you.  I hope you all have a great week.  Get after what you want, and make it happen.

 

 

Lately I’ve been thinking about beauty, and how I don’t consider myself to be a person of beauty.  The latter of that statement is silly, I know but I’m being honest.  You know how you can look at a beautiful person and just say wow that person is beautiful, I can’t look at myself and think the same.  So how do I fix that?  Avoiding mirrors and pictures is what I tend to do, but that’s not really solving my problem with myself, it’s avoiding it.

So, what is beauty? Is it something we possess, or is it something someone tells us that we havez, or we are and then we feel as though we have it or contain it?

Where did this stigma of beauty begin?  If you were to look inside me, I’d say down underneath all this physical me, you’d see a beautiful me…maybe.  If you were to ask God, He wouldn’t have the slightest wonder of what beauty is, He would tell you that he sees all his children as beautiful.

But why can’t we see it in ourselves, why do we question our worth based on beauty? Is the whole world seeing what I see, or is just me?

Is it possible to bribe yourself?  Well, I’m going to!

Okay, so I did very well with this dietbet thing I took part in.  I lost a total of about 14 lbs but since then, I’ve been slacking a bit.  Okay, a lot. So, I think I’ve come up with a plan of action.  Starting September 1st, if I get fast food or a soda, I will be donating the amount spent, to a charity of my choice.  It will probably be the Houston food bank.  The only exception would be when I’m on vacation however, I will try my hardest to stick to this even with being away from home.  The way I see it, even if I mess up, which believe me I do, at least I’m donating to a good cause.  I don’t even like fast food so I don’t quite know why the craving is so out of control sometimes.  Same goes for soda!  It’s not even good! #crackiswack   Along with this, I will continue starting my fitness journey with bribes.  I say continue because upon writing this, I’m 4 days without working out which is just insane to me but my excuse and believe me I have plenty of those, is that I have been a bit under the weather.  Earache for amber is like a thorn in a lions paw!  Roar it hurts!  Starting September, the first week I hit the gym 5 days out of 7, I will reward myself with a new book, 2nd week a new vinyl, and so on.  If I can’t get to the gym in New York then I will at least go for a walk outside or sight seeing.  I need yet another kickstart back into my flow of things I hate missing days but once I miss, it’s easy to continue not going.  I think a lot about my lack of commitment to things and last night these thoughts kept me awake late into the night.  Why is it so hard for me to “seal the deal”?  I start lots of things that I never finish so what’s the deal?  At about 2am I remembered that my mom had given me a bag of stuff I left at her house and among those things, was the degree holder?  The thing they give you when you graduate a sleeve? Case? Displayer?  Something like that nevertheless, I put my degree in it and really stared at it and thought, I started school and then stopped…and then started…and then stopped…several times, but for once in my life, I saw it through to the end.  Well the end of one degree anyways.  No matter how long it took I saw it through and I will see this fitness journey through, even though it will never be through.  It is thoroughly something I enjoy and I won’t let me stop myself from becoming a better, stronger, fitter person.  I have so many things I want to do in life and literally taking the weight off my shoulders will help!  My first goal is to get back under 300 and my long term goal is to lose 100 lbs with no set time frame.  This journey is for me.